Pretzel Logic Music

Last Saturday I played HRH AOR with Corvus. Long drive but fun gig and nice hang with the guys.
We were casually chatting when it emerged that a few of the partners of the guys in the band were worried about the alleged debaucheries that would take place backstage. Apparently it is still common belief that as soon as a rock and roll performance is terminated, the sweaty muso can expect to retire backstage to be instantly showered in lewd fornication requests by some mythological creatures called ‘Groupies’.

Well ladies and gents, let me just say that receiving indecent proposals as a consequence of being in a rock band and being cool onstage has happened a grand total of exactly ZERO times. I wish it did – love the attention – but it didn’t.
In the great R’n R circus there is no time for that. Let me give you a few hypotetical case studies and, ladies, you’ll see that you have nothing to worry about.

For the goals of this presentation, let’s also be very optimistic and imagine that subject A (me) is being chatted up by a gorgeous lady (subject B) instead of the ususal weirdo that wants to discuss if the neck wood of my bass is flatsawn or quartersawn. The the lady is gorgeous because this is all imaginary anyway and I get to decide. 
I also have a family and kids and wouldn’t get myself in that situation in the first place, but I’m trying to demonstrate that the whole situation is bombproof anyway
Here we go. 

Case 1:
GYL: “Hey nice playing up there, you’re great. Care for a drink with me?” 
ME: “Gee I surely would love that but I have to clear up the stage before the next band is up. I only have to remove two basses, an Ampeg 8×10 plus all the leads and the pedalboard. The loading bay is four flight of stairs down so I should be done in 45… hey where are you going?” (she walks away)

Case 2:
GYL: “My friends are leaving but I am not tired yet. Want to go somewhere fun?”
ME: “That sounds amazing! Can you please be a bit patient tho? I have to stand next to the drummer’s car because he needs to load his massive three kick drum kit. It’s all double yellow line here, you’ll understand, so he had to leave the car right in the middle of this narrow road. Hopefully we’ll be done in less than an hour, he’s still boxing the cymbal stands… oook I get it now you have an early rise tomorrow”. (she walks away)

Case 3: “I really like you. Wanna go back to mine?”
ME: “YES. I mean, where do you live? Oh. In that case do you mind if we drive back to the rehearsal room (which is 30 miles in the other direction) so I can leave my gear there? I don’t want to leave my instruments in the car. Also, you live near the river, not good for the acoustic bass.
I’m not even sure there is enough room for you in the car but you don’t mind, right? right? Did you just call an Uber?” (she walks away)

See? There is nothing to worry about.